Angerrrrr!

It's OK to be ANGRY!

I’m angry!! I feel guilty for feeling this way. Why can’t I shake this rage? Is anger OK?

It absolutely is OK! As a matter of fact, ALL emotions are OK as they are neutral and appropriate at times. I’m not sure where we got the idea that some emotions are verboten (Shakespearean for off-limits, inappropriate, bad), but it’s NOT TRUE.

Hmmm…say more.

What rational person would observe or experience rape, theft, hunger, murder, swindling of elderly, violence, meanness, etc. and NOT feel ANGER? These things SHOULD make us angry.

ANGER CAN MASK OTHER EMOTIONS

Anger is a strong and complicated feeling. It can be the emotion that presents itself when we don’t know what to do with strong grief or sadness. Too, many of us lack the emotional vocabulary to express what we’re feeling, so it comes out as anger. This can be due to our feelings of impotence to change a situation. Look deeply within yourself to see what other emotions the rage may be masking: anxiety, jealousy, stress, vulnerability, helplessness, embarrassment, isolation, fear, shame, injustice, betrayal, rejection, confusion or hurt. Specifically identifying the emotion, helps you to deal with the feelings more effectively. Remember, feelings are natural and neutral.

WHERE DID WE GET THE IDEA ANGER WAS WRONG?

1) It FEELS bad, and we don’t like to feel bad. We’re much more comfortable with joy, happiness, contentment, love, gratitude and tranquility. They feel warm and cuddly and don’t cause pain.

BUT…what if you felt these emotions in response to the murder of a favorite nephew? Rape of your best friend? Unjust firing of your spouse? A neighbor child abused? Would that make sense? Isn’t anger the absolute appropriate response to each of these situations? Is it the only emotion? No, but it should definitely be toward the top of the list. There are situations that should cause us to feel anger.

2) The Bible says, “Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Ephesians 4:26. Notice the first part of the verse…Be angry. We often gloss over this part and believe that the anger itself is sinful. It’s not. It’s what you DO with your anger.

APPROPRIATE EXPRESSIONS OF ANGER

SO…anger is not the sin or the bad emotion. It’s our expression of that emotion that can be harmful and wrong.

How DO I express anger appropriately?

I think anger must be expressed in a physical, even violent manner. I’m not suggesting you punch someone or kick your faithful dog. However, there are safe ways to express anger that are physical and harmless (and make you feel better):

• Scream at the top of your lungs when no one can hear you (in your car, into a pillow, in the woods).

• Punch a pillow or punching bag. Take a boxing class.

• Throw something – eggs with your griefs written on them (see my photographic example up top?).

• Dance like a maniac to angry heavy metal music.

• Run as fast as you can, as long as you can.

• Paint an angry picture with violent strokes.

• Write out your angry words with no filter.

ANGER AS A CATALYST FOR CHANGE

Brenee’ Brown’s wrote about ANGER in her amazing book, Atlas of the Heart:

“Anger is a catalyst. Holding on to it will make us exhausted and sick. Internalizing anger will take away our joy and spirit; externalizing anger will make us less effective in our attempts to create change and forge connection. It’s an emotion that we need to transform into something life-giving: courage, love, change, compassion, justice.”

Express your anger and transform it into positive change.